A Pair of Predators
by Arcane-Boomeus
Summary: Walpurgisnacht is dead. The combined might of Kyoko Sakura and Homura Akemi was enough to defeat the strongest of witches. Madoka Kaname was saved. But she made a contract anyways. A contract that forced Kyuubey to find a new source of energy. This is the story of his first male test subject. His name is Archie. Rated M for violence and harsh language. OCxKyoko
1. Prologue

**DISCLIMER: I, Arcane-Boomeus, do not own anything other than my characters and the plot of this story. Suing me wouldn't even get you all that much... Actually, you wouldn't even make a profit. So don't do it, please.**

**Author's Note: Archie is based somewhat on me, and how I think I may have ended up if I had stayed in touch with my gangsta crowd past elementary school.**

**No, I'm not kidding.**

**I was a straight-up G. Funny how it's much more intimidating to people when you speak with grammar that is precisely correct, in complete monotone. **

**A Pair of Predators:**

**Prologue: **

**The Cycle Continues**

Homura Akemi couldn't believe her luck. She'd done it! Walpurgisnacht was defeated. Madoka Kaname was alive. That was all that mattered. Kyoko Sakura, Sayaka Miki, and Mami Tomoe were her friends, but Madoka was special. As it happened in this time-line, Mami killed Sayaka upon learning what Magical Girls really were. Kyoko hadn't hesitated to put an end to the broken Mami.

"We... we did it." Kyoko said. Her voice was neither happy nor sad. "I guess you saved Madoka after all. Congratulations." The red-haired girl looked up to watch the Witch's barrier disintegrate. "But... it doesn't really matter, in the end. We'll die. All of us. And then the cycle will repeat itself."

_'She's right,' _Kyuubey's voice called out.

"Kyuubey. I... I want to make a contract." Madoka's voice called.

_'Excellent! What is your wish?' _

Homura fell to her knees. "No... please, no..." Tears fell down her cheeks.

"My wish... I wish that magical girls' soul gems can no longer become tainted!"

Homura looked up at Madoka, her love. "M-Madoka..." she laughed. Leave it to Madoka to come up with something so simple that it would be foolproof.

Kyuubey had no choice but to grant the wish. _'That was a very clever wish, Madoka Kaname. Unfortunately, you've only saved female humans.'_

Kyoko sighed. "And the cycle continues."

Homura strode over to Madoka, placing a hand gently on the pink-haired girl's cheek. "Madoka..." She slapped Madoka across the face. "I love you... you idiot."

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**Several Years Later. **

**The United States of America.**

I forced my eyes open. I saw orange and red and black, all blurred together. _'Fuck,' _I thought. _'What happened?'_

Then the memories all came flooding back. I'd been riding in a car, with my friend, Marco. We were out in the middle of nowhere when the damn thing exploded. How and why, I do not know.

_'Hello, Archibald. You look like you could use some assistance. My name is Kyubey, and we can help each other.' _I grimaced, wondering what a little kid was doing out here. When I asked, he told me that he was an alien, here on Earth to solve the problem of Entropy, and that I'd see precisely what kind of help I needed if I looked to my left. He told me about wishes in exchange for contracts, and about how he used to recruit teenage girls in Japan, a few years prior.

Funny how you don't notice your arm is missing until you see it not attached to your body.

"What exactly am I to do?"

_'Fight Witches. Take their grief seeds, use them to purify your soul gem, and then feed them to me.'_

"Hm. I suppose I could make a contract with you... A five year contract, I think. After five years, I can either renew my contract in exchange for another wish, or walk away."

_'You are much calmer than an adolescent human female would be in the same situation. This should be most interesting. I accept your terms, Archibald.'_

"I know that I can make it. Hell, if I can ice the arm, I have 24 hours or so to get it reattached." I chuckled, realizing how badass I was being. "You seem like a pretty nice guy, for an emotionless alien. Call me Archie."

_'Very well, Archie. Your wish?'_

"I wish I had a cybernetic left arm. I'm talking advanced technology here."

_'But of course.' _He said, before granting my wish. A quick flash and a surge of energy, and **BAM! **Robot arm. _''Awesome.' _Was all I could think.

I admired my new left arm. It was reasonably flesh-colored, though the joints had gaps that made it painfully obvious that the arm was artificial. "It's weird. It's as if I can feel that it's there, but I can't really _feel_ that it's there. I can't describe it any better than that."

I gasped. I sprang to my feet. An adorable cat-thing sat on top of the flaming wreckage of the car. "Kyuubey... did you see my friend?"

_'When I came, there were no other humans present.'_

"Meaning that he's either dead, or gone." I said, swallowing the growing lump in my throat. "He wouldn't have left without me. That wasn't how he-how _we_- rolled."

_'I believe that your vehicle was destroyed by a nearby witch.'_ Kyuubey told me.

"I'll kill it, then. For Marco."

_'Ah, vengeance. An excellent motivator, in my experience.'_

I was suddenly very aware of a ring on my finger. It was made of a dull grey metal that looked like iron or steel, but intricately engraved with little skulls. A significantly larger-than-normal bluish-purple gemstone was set in the center. _'So... this is my soul? A bit macabre. I suppose it suits me...' _I turned my hand palm-up. Opposite the gem was a pile of skulls. _'Very, _very_ macabre.' _I removed it, and looked inside. The back of the gem's side bore a set of arcane runes; the back of the pile of skulls bore a much clearer message 'MUERTE'.

_'What does "muerte" mean?'_ Kyuubey asked.

I couldn't help but wear a small smile as I said "Death."

I slipped the ring back onto my finger. Kyuubey eyed it with his pink eyes. His expression remained the same throughout everything he did. _'Your soul gem is untainted by your friend's death? Male humans are made of sterner stuff than female humans, aren't they?'_

I chuckled. "I'm surprised he lived this long. We didn't have any money. Couldn't get jobs that payed enough for school. So we did some... jobs. Like contract workers. His uncle is rather high-up in a group that you don't want to get mixed up with."

_ 'So it isn't males that are strong, necessarily... just you?'_

"A truly strong person, man or woman, would have found a better way. The fact that my soul took no damage from the death of my best friend is not something I should take pride in."

_ 'Sterner stuff indeed...'_

I ignored that. "So, how do I do this?"

_'Your soul gem will glow more brightly the closer you get to a witch,' he explained 'witches live in mazes that they create, generally wherever they can find negativity to feed upon. You transform by willing your body to do so.'_

I tracked down the entrance of the maze to a drain in the ditch by the side of the road. "Alright... Let's do this." I switched forms. A twinge in my left arm reminded me that it wasn't... that it was... "Shit. I forgot about my arm."

'I suppose that means it really is high quality.'

I smirked as I examined myself. My left arm was now tactical black, the sleeve on that side short. My right arm had a long sleeve and a fingerless black glove. I assumed that meant that my left arm would be significant in combat. A bulletproof vest, also tactical black, and a double bandolier-you guessed it, tactical black- stuffed with magazines for a rifle of some sort adorned my chest. Black boots, pants, and knee-pads covered my legs entirely in tactical black.

"I feel like Sam Fischer," I said, casting my eyes around the darkened grasslands. Trees dotted the area. And I got the feeling that I was being watched. I wished I had night vision goggles like Fischer.

_ 'I think it's because you are.'_

I frowned. "I'm not Sam Fischer."

_ 'No. But you are being watched. By two different parties, no less.'_

"You can read my mind?" I said, but I thought _'Can they hear us?'_

_'No. You're very clever, aren't you? Maybe even too clever.'_

I grinned. "Let's see what kind of weapon I've got, then..." I held out my hands and closed my eyes... a familiar, yet unfamiliar, weight pressed down on my hand. I opened my eyes, and smiled at what I saw. A scoped rifle. Tactical black seemed to be the theme here, and it was no different with the rifle. It resembled an M14 Enhanced Battle Rifle, with a telescoping stock, pistol grip, and scope. "Beautiful..." I muttered.

Armed and dangerous, I stepped into the proverbial rabbit hole.

**Yes, it's short (only 1454 words, not counting this outro thingie).**

**But, it's the prologue. It's supposed to get you into the story.**

**MURDER HAS NEVER BEEN SO ADORABLE.**

**~~Arcane-Boomeus~~**


	2. Chapter 1

**DISCLIMER: I, Arcane-Boomeus, do not own anything other than my characters and the plot of this story. Suing me wouldn't even get you all that much... Actually, you wouldn't even make a profit. So don't do it, please.**

**Oh, right! Mr. Sci-Fi guy whose name included 117 and the word soul- Don't worry. Your needs will be met... MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHA!**

**A Pair of Predators:**

**Chapter One:**

"**OAIEJSLGJAELKJ"**

I stepped into the rabbit hole. My footsteps made no sound, and random bursts of color flashed all along the... walls?

"What the fuck?"

_'Witches are magical girls that have gone mad from negative emotion. All mazes are like this.'_

"Kyuubey, my adorable little friend, remind me to never date a magical girl."

_'The would make powerful allies, especially since they can no longer become witches. Additionally, many of the more experienced ones are your age, now.'_

A group of ten or so dolls -disfigured, life-sized _Barbie_ dolls- interrupted our conversation, marching slowly towards me. Barbie dolls are impossibly disproportionate, in case you didn't know. From 20 meters, the disproportion is pretty disgusting.

"Kyuubey, can I kill those things?"

_'Oh, yes. Please do.'_

With the combination of practiced ease and natural talent, I raised my rifle into firing position, not even bothering to aim down the scope- I looked with both eyes, my sight picture aligning the barrel of the rifle and the distorted plastic face of the nearest doll. I squeezed the trigger, causing its head to explode, sending bits of plastic flying in all directions. The stock of the rifle absorbed the recoil of the shot almost entirely. I eliminated the others in rapid succession.

I reloaded the rifle and headed down the corridor that they had emerged from. "Those weren't witches, were they?"

_ 'No. Witches are much, much bigger.'_

"Well, that's just _wonderful_."

We made our way down the halls of random color, seeing various deformed monuments to vanity. I shot any-Barbie that moved. Just when I was about to ask where the witch was, we rounded a corner that opened into a massive, open room. A giant mannequin- the kind you see in store windows- towered in the center of the room. It had tentacles for arms.

"What. The. FUCK."

_'THAT is a witch.' _Kyuubey said.

I raised the rifle and shot it in the head. I emptied an entire 20 round magazine into its face, and it exploded in a burst of color. The maze began to disintegrate around us, from the top down. I looked up at the sky, avoiding looking at the dying, faceless mannequin.

More disturbingly, it screamed in pain, like a girl. I cringed. "Fuck."

A black gem set in a pointy bit of metal fell to the ground with a _plink_. I looked at it curiously. "That a grief seed?"

_'Yes... though your soul gem doesn't look tainted at all.' _I looked down to match Kyuubey's gaze. The soul gem was set into a rather large belt buckle, and it was the same bluish-purple color as before.

I shrugged. "Why would it be? I probably saved some lives, and I put that girl out of her vain misery."

_'You even picked up on the theme of the witch's despair?'_

I nodded. "It was pretty obvious."

_'Are all human males as logical as you are?'_

I laughed at that. "No. I assure you, I'm quite abnormal."

_'...Good. We need you magical... boys to become... witches?'_ He couldn't come up with a better term, so he carried on _'else our energy output is severely stunted.'_

_ 'Don't worry. They will.' _I thought back.

_'You were very fluid using that weapon. Graceful. Are you familiar with it?'_

"No. I've always been an excellent shot, though. This is the finest weapon I've ever held, let alone used."

_ 'Magical girls almost always had archaic weapons... You're quite interesting.'_

"My wish was for an advanced piece of technology, wasn't it? It only makes sense that my abilities are based on technology, too."

_ 'You're so much sharper than any human I've ever met... are you sure you're human?'_

"Yeah, I'm pretty sure. You sure you're not a ferret or something?"

_'Oh, ha ha. Very amusing. I'll have you know that my cuteness makes females more inclined to trust me.' _

As the last of the maze disappeared, I looked around curiously. We'd ended up in a cluster of trees. I returned to my normal form, strode forward and picked up the grief seed. I started to put it into my pocket, then realized that it was quite sharp on the pointed end. After a moment of thought, I pinched the metal between the thumb and forefinger of my left hand, the motorized fingers effortlessly snapping of the sharp end. "Sweet." I stuffed it into the left pocket of my jeans.

_'Archie, I am reminding you not to date this girl.'_

I looked around for the girl Kyuubey was talking about. I didn't see anyone. "What're you talking ab-" The foot impacting my face cut me off mid-sentence. I went flying, and ended up stopping several meters back- thanks to the tree I slammed into.

Everything went dark for a moment. Then, as my vision returned, I saw a girl. She had long brown hair, and an insanely gleeful look on her face as she raised an ax over her head. "Your soul gem will be mine! IT'S SO PRETTY~I'M GLAD THAT _THE_ FIRST WILL BE _MY_ FIRST~! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHA-"

She stopped laughing when the head of a spear burst out of her chest, shattering her soul gem and splattering her blood all over me. She went limp in an instant.

The spear was yanked out of her chest, and the girl's body fell onto me, obscuring my view of my rescuer. "Did elementary school boys not work out, Kyuubey?"

_'We decided that they were too weak to even test... though, judging by Archie, we may need to select a different age group.'_

I grunted as I tossed the brunette's limp body off of me, then rose to my feet. "I'm Archie. Thanks for saving my ass."

The redheaded girl before me shot a glance at Kyuubey, then grinned at me, exposing a small fang. "You took out a witch within an hour of making your contract? _Alone_?" Her grin widened, revealing a second fang. "Do you waste food?"

I frowned at her. "Food is vital for life. Precious. Why would I waste it?"

Her spear disappeared as she transformed into casual clothing- a green hooded jacket and short denim shorts. "I'm impressed," she said softly.

I blushed as I looked at her. _'Whoa. She's beautiful...'_

_'I've seen better,' _Kyuubey commented.

The girl's red eyes met mine. _'Funny, the way Kyuubey let me hear that, huh?'_

I glowered at the ferret-cat-thing._ 'You adorable little alien fuck.'_

_'You're supposed to _tell_ the girl how beautiful she is, not think it to your little incubator friend.'_

I laughed. "In my defense, the girl in question made the other girl very dead, very quickly."

She seemed to accept this response. "The girl in question goes by Kyoko. Kyoko Sakura." I nodded. Nothing was said for several moments, as her eyes seemed to scour me. She suddenly grabbed my hands and held them up to her eye-level. "This was your wish, huh? When did you lose that arm?"

I thought about it. "Um... a little over an hour ago?"

Her jaw dropped. "You're shitting me."

This impressed me. "Your swearing in English is pretty good," I said, "and, though it's technically improper to use 'shitting' in that context, people like to use that phrase." I grinned. "It really speaks volumes about the Japanese school system. Especially since you probably attended only rarely."

Kyuubey radiated approval._ 'Don't worry, Kyoko, he's been this clever the entire time.'_

Kyoko raised a red eyebrow. "Your real hand... it's steadier than the fake."

I nodded. "I'm right-side dominant... though, I'm glad Kyuubey gave me a hand... if he hadn't..."

She laughed. "You'd have iced it and had 24 hours to reattach it."

"I'd have been forced to kill my best friend's only remaining family member. Because I wouldn't have avenged his death. And I'd have to do it with one hand."

She smiled at me. "I'm not very good at the whole 'social interaction' thing."

"Nor am I," I admitted.

"Good. Because I'm very attracted to you." She smiled confidently.

I smiled back. "The feeling is mutual." I considered her for a moment. "Would you like to go get something to eat?"

She blushed, as if the invitation to a meal had been a wedding proposal. "Y-yeah..."

"You like Mexican food?"

"Yes, I like food."

I laughed. "Is that so?"

She made a face like she was deep in thought. "You're absolutely right. I LOVE FOOD!"

_ 'Though I must admit that I find this... romance... to be most intriguing, there is a corpse less than a meter away.'_

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I watched with great interest as Kyoko gazed at the sizzling fajitas that sat on the table before her. "The meat... it... it's _sizzling_."

I chuckled. "Wait for the rice to come. The peppers here are really hot. The rice neutralizes them... at least, somewhat so."

She turned the gaze onto me. "Is this the look that Homura and Madoka give each other?"

I shrugged. "I don't know what you mean."

The waitress laughed as she placed a plate of rice on the table. "If it's the same look you two're givin' each other, then those gals must be very open about their lesbian relationship." She walked off.

"Hmm." I smirked. "Are all of your friends lesbians?"

Kyoko blushed. "Both of the ones who are still alive are. I was never really sure about Mami... and..." She sighed. "I think that I loved Sayaka."

"On the bright side, you've got more friends left than I do..."

"You're the first boy I've ever taken an interest in, now that I think about it."

I nodded thoughtfully. "I applaud your choice. I'm quite fond of me, too..." I grinned. "Now, less talk, more omnom."

I looked up from my food to see Kyoko looking back at me. "Tell me about this Sayaka. She must have been something special to catch your eye..." I teased.

Kyoko smiled somberly. "She was naive, headstrong, reckless, open-minded, prideful, wrathful, and hopeful. She'd do anything to help a friend in need, and she was unstoppable and relentless in a fight. She'd have gotten herself killed if Mami hadn't done it first... I realize that, now."

"Mami?" I asked. "Your _other_ dead friend?"

"She killed Sayaka when Homura told us the truth about grief seeds-that they were the soul gems of magical girls whose soul gems became filled with despair and turned into witches. I put my spear through her chest without hesitation... Madoka cried. I think Homura has cried so much that tears don't come anymore, because she looked almost as shocked as Madoka did..."

"What was she like?"

"Mami?" She smiled. "Like an older, wiser Sayaka. She was kind, so very kind... until something pushed her too far. Homura said that she always ended up losing her head- literally, once, when she'd tied Homura up with her ribbons..."

I sighed. "It's the best of us that die young, isn't it?"

"I don't plan on dying anytime soon."

"There ain't no rest for the wicked."

She nodded. "Your turn. Tell me about your friend."

I smiled sadly. "He was the nicest guy I've ever met. Couldn't hurt a fly. He couldn't stand to watch me kill, but he insisted on coming with me on every contract I ever did. He looked away every time... and I never let him pull a trigger in his life." I chuckled. "He was a brilliant speaker. Could've conned a penniless hobo out of everything he had, had he been that kind of guy. But he wasn't."

Kyoko looked at me curiously. "You've killed people before?"

"It's how I made a living."

"Were they bad people?"

I laughed. "Most likely. But, does that really justify my killing them?"

"It's when those thoughts go away that you become evil." Kyoko said sagely.

"Now that I've got... whatever powers I may have, I can help people, I guess."

Kyoko shook her head angrily. "_**No**_. You'd think that- _hell_, I thought that- but it's not like that. Your soul gem _will_ taint, and you _will_ die."

I winked. "Sounds like a challenge to me."

She leaned across the table and slapped me across the face. "I'm not above breaking your legs to keep you out of trouble."

I found that threat to be disturbingly touching. "I have to get grief seeds to live, don't I? So I _have_ to go out and kill witches. Why not actively hunt them?"

She frowned at me. "Did Kyuubey not tell you about familiars?"

I frowned right back. "Familiars?"

She let out an exasperated sigh. "...Kyuubey, you sick little fuck..." She thought for a moment. "Familiars are one of the two ways a witch can be born. They're projections of the heart of the magical girl before she became a witch. Killing familiars doesn't dish out grief seeds, not until they've turned into witches by killing people."

I looked at her in disbelief. "They sound weak. I mean, I killed a witch and received a kick in the face, then watched you kill the girl who kicked me. And my soul gem isn't turning black at all. There's no way familiars are that big a deal..."

Kyoko removed her rosary and handed it to me. "Lemme see your ring," she ordered. I blushed and handed it to her. She inspected it intently. I looked at the rosary. _'Is she Catholic?' Am I the only person I know who isn't?'_

_'You weren't kidding about the killing, then.' _She thought to me. _'A group of American Magical Girls taught me that soul gems can allow telepathic communication- if you trust someone enough to let them hold your soul gem.'_

She looked at my ring as if she were confused. _'_Muerte_ means death,' _I explained.

She let out a soft "Oh..." and slipped the ring onto her finger. _'Put my rosary on. I'm hungry, but we need to talk.'_

I did as I was told, putting the rosary on, then proceeded to eat. _'What kinds of things can magic do?'_

_'It's mostly for summoning and enhancing weapons, though I've seen some amazing shit done with magic.'_

_ 'Do you always think in English?'_

Kyoko giggled aloud._ 'I'm thinking in Japanese right now. That's another reason that this is so amazing. We can even discuss things that we don't know anything about-in theory, at least.'_

_ 'So you'll know what I mean even if I say... Yo tengo que afietarse?'_

_'Yes, I know what needing to shave means. You thought it in Spanish, right? Because it sure sounded like Japanese to me.'_

_ 'OAIEJSLGJAELKJ.'_

_'It has to actually have a meaning, Archie.'_

_ 'It did: gibberish.'_

_'For some strange reason, that reminds me- soul gems have a 'range' of about a hundred meters. Meaning, if we get too far away from each other like this, we're both fucked.'_

_ 'If you're trying to get me to hold your hand, I think I'd be more susceptible to compliments.' _She winked, and I continued, _'In all seriousness, that's pretty important.' _

_ 'Yeah, it is. What's your weapon?'_

_'It's a rifle. Similar to an M14 Enhanced Battle Rifle. It's a killing machine at range, but in close quarters it's pretty clumsy.'_

_ 'Homura uses guns. Bombs, too. She can stop time, though, so that's not really a problem for her.'_

_ 'Where did a teenage girl get guns and bombs?'_

_'I assume that she stopped time and stole them.'_

_ 'Right...' _I frowned._ 'I'll probably need to get out of this city as soon as I can. Marco's uncle wasn't all that fond of me in the first place, and now that he's dead, and I was the last person to see him...'_

_ 'I can live with skipping town."_

I rolled my eyes_. ''I forgot that I'm just so devilishly handsome that I can't possibly be without a companion for even a moment.'_

_'Oh, right. Kyuubey went into the maze with you,' _Kyoko thought, sounding rather displeased by the notion.

_ 'He gave me some decent intel.'_

_'That doesn't make it a good idea to trust him.'_

_ 'Don't worry, Kyoko. You're much prettier than he is.'_

_'I'm not sure I buy the whole 'emotionless' thing, Archie. He seemed pretty goddamned _pleased_ with himself when he contracted with Madoka...'_

_ 'Maybe he's mentally ill. Humans generally have emotions, and those who don't are mentally ill. If 'kyuubeys' are generally emotionless, then it should work the same way, right?'_

_ 'Well... Crazy or not, he can't be trusted,' _Kyoko asserted as she finished the meal.

My phone beeped.

**1 NEW MESSAGE(S)**

I tapped the screen, opening the message. A short animation of an envelope opening played.

**'We know you killed Marco, _ese_. _Tu estas muerte, gringo_.'**

I sighed. _'Let's go.'_

_'Where?' _Kyoko asked.

_'You wouldn't happen to have a car, would you?'_

_ 'Nope. Do you?'_

_'Not anymore.'_

_ 'Oh. Right... I feel like you've got a plan, Archie.'_

_'Oh, I most certainly do.'_

Kyoko handed me my ring as we left the restaurant, and I passed her rosary back to her. She winked._ 'That's not my soul gem, by the way.'_ She slipped a ring out of her pocket and put it on her finger.

_ '...Clever girl.'_ I put my ring onto my finger. "Come on," I said calmly, "Let's swing by my place. I need to get some stuff before they blow it to hell."

"How far is it?" She asked. She was looking up and in the direction I was about to point in. I followed her gaze to a column of thick, black smoke.

"I guess we won't be swinging by my place," I said bitterly.

"I've been finding places to spend the night in for a long time. Follow me."

**Well, since nobody displayed an opinion (probably because I asked for them at night, and then posted that hilarious crossover thingie's link only hours later) I just split the thing in half. **

**It's about 3015 words right now. **

**And, yes, the chapter title is legit. It's gibberish. It means gibberish.**

**C wut I did thar?**

**Madoka Kaname: Homura's little love-nugget.**

**(Ba da ba ba ba...)**

**lol**

**~~Arcane-Boomeus~~**


	3. Chapter 2

**DISCLIMER: I, Arcane-Boomeus, do not own anything other than my characters and the plot of this story. Suing me wouldn't even get you all that much... Actually, you wouldn't even make a profit. So don't do it, please.**

**A Pair of Predators:**

**Chapter Two:**

**Computer Aided Death Dealing**

After about an hour, we were in an abandoned hospital. Kyoko lounged on a hospital bed while I browsed through the apps on my phone. "Pretty cool how your phone can connect to your arm like that..." Kyoko thought aloud.

I nodded, noticing a new program. _'Looks like a CADD program of some sort...'_ I thought. I tapped on the icon- a robot arm, appropriately enough. After a moment or so of loading, a list of files appeared, with a prompt to open one.

I grinned. "Oh... ohohoho. What a pleasant surprise..." I said as I skimmed the 'about' section. "These are all 3D models of weapons and such. Apparently, my arm can 'digitize' them."

"Sounds like something Homura would have... like that personality simulator... thing."

I looked at, my curiosity piqued. "Hm?"

Kyoko blushed. "It simulates people's personalities. I may or may not have spent a few hours with a virtual Sayaka, depending on who you ask."

"I feel like you're not sure if you should compare me to Sayaka, or this 'Homura' girl."

She snorted. "At least you're not Madoka."

I frowned. "What's wrong with Madoka? What if I want to be a Madoka when I grow up?"

"Madoka Kaname is almost completely unremarkable. Her distinguishing factors are that she's Homura's little love-nugget, and the sheer moe she radiates."

"Well, I'm not a 'love-nugget'..."

She grinned, exposing a fang. "You're right. Now that I consider it, you're like a mix of Homura and Sayaka. You're cold and distant to almost everyone, and very polite about it, like Homura. You're also like a less heroic and naïve Sayaka."

I shrugged. "It's hard to get close to people -and be naive- when you're analyzing them, trying to determine whether they'll slip a knife between your ribs or not, and what their weaknesses are."

She scoffed. "And I'm special, is that it?"

I nodded. "Pretty much, yeah." She cast a look of disbelief upon me. "You saved me from some random psychotic bitch. That earned you my trust. Especially since I sense that you'd have little to no difficulty kicking my ass. I respect your power, or your very solid facade of power, whichever the case may be. You being an attractive young lady is another endearing quality of yours."

She seemed to take the explanation-and the compliment- in stride. "You're not half bad yourself, Archie. Now figure out your powers."

I laughed. "Yes, Ma'am."

On that note, I resumed scrolling through the list of things displayed on the screen of my phone. My attention was effectively grabbed by 'GUI Visor.'

I selected the file. Text popped up on the screen.

**Please position the digitizer as displayed on-screen and give the appropriate command.**

A diagram below the text displayed an arm- a left arm, and one that looked suspiciously like mine at that. It was palm-up, with the fingers splayed out. I shrugged, moving my arm into the same position as the one on screen.

Making an assumption, as I often did, I assumed that the command was...

"Digitize."

As the word rolled off of my tongue and into the air, it was processed by the microphone in my phone. Of course, I didn't notice this occurring. What I did notice was that my arm was whirring and buzzing. And there was a pair of sunglasses in my palm. I squinted at them._ 'Did I look away?'_

_'No, you blinked,' _Kyoko thought with a sigh. "Why, exactly, did you make a pair of sunglasses?"

I shrugged, gave an answer of some sort, and put the sunglasses on. A line of text appeared in the lower left corner of my vision.

** ENTER COMMAND:_**

I smiled. "Kyoko, do you have any ranged weapons of any sort?" I asked as I scrolled through the list.

"Not a-one~" She replied happily. A flicker in the lower left hand corner of my vision drew my eye.

**COMMAND NOT RECOGNIZED.**

I took note that 'Kyoko' wasn't a command, and, after a minute or so, I stopped scrolling as I reached the handgun portion of the list.

"Big, or small?" I asked.

Kyoko frowned. "Surely you must realize that, without context, that makes absolutely no fucking sense?"

I chuckled. "Right. Sorry. I guess you can't see what I'm seeing, huh?"

"Nope," she replied evenly.

I examined her curiously, as if it would help me decide. "I'll go with a happy medium."

I tapped the file labeled 'Pistol-.45 ACP- loaded'.

"Digitize," I commanded. My jaw only dropped a little when a 3D wire-frame of the handgun appeared just over my palm. My arm whirred as it had before, but didn't buzz.

"Whoa," was all I could say as the wire-frame's inner lines disappeared and it materialized in my hand. I didn't even notice the weight of the gun as it appeared.

Kyoko gingerly accepted the pistol when I handed it to her. "You know how to use that, right?"

She nodded and stowed it away in her soul gem. "You're supposed to give a girl chocolates."

I repeated the process with several spare magazines and a box of ammunition, watching with rapt awe as I broke the laws of conservation of... everything.

After that, my attention span demanded that I try something else. Luckily, it resulted in me finding a very useful tool.

**CUSTOMIZE COMBAT FORM(S)/WEAPON SYSTEMS**

I tapped on it. A 3D wire-frame of myself in combat form appeared before me. My rifle was positioned above me and pointing left, in a separate area labeled 'Equipped Weapon Systems'. I smiled, reaching out my left hand and rotating the wire-frame version of me. I scaled it down to one fourth of real size.

"What are you doing?" asked Kyoko as I moved my soul gem from my crotch to the back of my neck.

I considered my answer for a moment before delivering it. "I'm... tinkering."

"With _what_?"

"My combat form."

She made an I-Don't-Believe-You face. "How?"

I handed her the 'sunglasses'. "See for yourself."

She slipped them on, then gasped. "Wow..." Then she looked at me confusedly. "Why'd you put your soul gem on the back of your neck?"

"I figured I'd be a lot less likely to take a hit there."

She shrugged. "I guess so. I forgot that you fight with guns. For me, putting my soul gem anywhere but on my chest would be putting me at a major disadvantage..." She passed the 'sunglasses' back to me. "Give yourself some weapons that work in a more..." She leaned forwards, putting her face only inches from mine. "Up close and personal setting..." Her breath smelled like fruit, in spite of the spicy Mexican food she'd eaten.

I blushed. "M'kay!" I exclaimed nervously.

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An hour or so later, my work was complete. I admired my newly-improved combat form. The buttstock of an assault rifle that looked like a G36K peeked over my shoulder, the front of the rifle slotted into some kind of holster on my back. A .50AE pistol that was very obviously a Mark XIX Desert Eagle was holstered on my hip, on a gun belt I added. Spare magazines for the G36 and the Desert Eagle had also been added.

Naturally, it was all black.

I let out a contented sigh. "That's much better."

Kyoko shot a curious look my way. "Done?"

I nodded, pleased with myself. "Yeah."

"Show me, then." She said. I tried to hand her the 'sunglasses,' but she shook her head, giving me a one-fang grin. "Show me."

"Alright." I slipped my ring off of my finger, placing it in my right palm, where it changed into the full-sized, egg-like gem that was my soul. I examined it thoroughly for the first time. A skull sculpted into the metal perched on top, with a matching skull emblem lower on the metal frame. '_My soul has a skull motif. It's a little disconcerting.'_

_ 'Mine has an oval 'motif'. Deal with it.'_

I concentrated, took a deep breath, and closed my eyes. When I opened them, I was in my combat form. Kyoko peered at me expectantly, frowning after several moments. "More guns?"

I nodded. "Yeah. An assault rifle and one of the most powerful handguns in the world."

"And this took you an hour?"

"I also rearranged my ammunition."

"And it took you an _hour_?!" Kyoko laughed. "That gun isn't even very big."

I snorted. "Oh, really?"

"Yeah." She said defiantly.

I unholstered the faux Desert Eagle. "This is a Desert Eagle. It's chambered in .50 AE. That's 12.7 millimeters. It uses the same type of mechanism as a lot of _rifles_. It's so powerful that military and law enforcement _won't use it_. It's used mostly for target-shooting, but some people use it for self-defensive purposes... against fucking _bears_."

She laughed a nervous laugh. "So?"

I chambered the first round and handed it to her. "If it's so small, _fire_ it."

She nearly dropped it. Another nervous laugh. "You know what? I believe you."

I smirked. "You sure," I teased.

She nodded frantically, holding the gun in the palms of her hands. I took it from her hands, ejected the magazine, un-chambered the round, inserted said round back into the magazine, and slotted the magazine back into the oversized firearm before placing it back into its holster.

"Technically, it's not a Desert Eagle. It's exactly like one, but, still..." An idea developed in my mind. "Should I name my weapons? Maybe in Italian or something?"

Kyoko groaned. "Just when I thought you weren't Mami..."

"I can't refer to them as just what they are. It's too cumbersome."

"Don't they have designations or something?"

"Yes, but those wouldn't be correct."

"_Fine_. Name them, but not in Italian."

"Well, Kyoko, I'm not sure what you have against Italy, but I'll respect your wishes." I began to think. _'The G36K will be _Kurz_. The Desert Eagle will be... Jackal. And the M14 EBR will be... Paradox.'_

"Is there any relevance in those names at all?"

I nodded. "Kurz is what the K in G36K is short for. It's a German word that means 'short'."

"And the others?"

"They sounded cool."

**End Chapter 2**

**CADD is 'Computer Aided Drafting and Design,' if you weren't aware. **

"**_The title of this chapter references that."_- Captain Obvious**

**I could have posted this, like, last week, had I realized that it was, you know, DONE.**

**I'm not sure when I'll get back to writing this story, but I'm sure it won't be long. **

**I'm just trying to write the Fallout/Lucky Star crossover fic I'm working on, and, in-game, I'm already to GNR, with several other quests done on the side.**

**Remembering dialogue is really, really hard.**

**Anywho, thanks for reading! If you enjoy this, you should favorite it, follow/watch me, or leave a comment/review telling me to get off of my lazy ass and write more!**

**~~Arcane-Boomeus~~**


	4. Chapter 3

**A Pair of Predators:**

**Chapter Three:**

**The Devil and the Truth**

"Kyoko!" I shouted, "Don't let it jump!"

The witch we were fighting happened to be a large spider. It leapt around the central chamber of the maze erratically, and didn't seem to be bothered by the few shots I'd managed to squeeze off.

"NO SHIT!" Kyoko shouted indignantly.

_'Spiders jump by increasing the blood pressure in their bodies to the point where they would explode if they didn't jump,' _I explained telepathically, just to make sure the message was received and understood in its entirety.

Kyoko grunted as she back-flipped away from one of the witch's eight legs. As she landed, she thrust her spear into the ground, which seemed quite pointless to me, at least, until a massive fence of magical origins encased the spider/witch. Rather snugly, too. So snugly, in fact, that the spider was unable to jump, despite its very great (I assume) desire to do so.

The resulting explosion was very satisfying, to say the least. To say more, it was so very disgusting that I shall refrain from describing it to you, as I could like you to continue reading. Suffice to say, the spider/witch was very thoroughly dead.

Kyoko gagged, averting her gaze from the... _remains_ (if they could even be called that). She tossed me the grief seed as the maze, which had, quite fittingly, been very creepy and filled with cobwebs.

"How many's that?" Kyoko asked.

I grinned. "That's the sixth."

"Good," she said, "Until we know whether your soul gem will taint or not, we'll have to keep ourselves well-supplied."

A question popped into my head, one that was semi-relevant."Is this the way it is in other areas, too?"

Kyoko frowned. "Hmm?"

"I mean, with the ratio of witches to magi. You know, shitloads of witches, and no magi to be seen?"

She started to answer, then glowered at my feet. I thought it was strange, until I, too, directed my gaze to my feet.

As soon as I looked, a monotone voice spoke in my mind, _'What a wonderfully appropriate __term. "Magi." It is even somewhat gender-neutral.' _

"Oh, hey, Kyuubey. How's it goin'?" I said nonchalantly.

"What the hell do you want?" Kyoko asked suspiciously, not even attempting to hide her disdain for the adorable little incubator.

_'I do believe "things" are going wonderfully,' _Kyuubey said/thought. _'We have developed a theory, one pertaining to "magi," as it seems you are now referring to yourselves. Males, to be more specific. Archie, your soul gem has yet to taint, correct?'_

I nodded confirmation. "Yeah." Kyoko didn't take her eyes off of Kyuubey, not for a single moment.

_'Human males have the most _interesting_... qualities... Prone to... _spats_ of intense emotion when put under extreme stress. A remnant of prior evolutionary ancestors, or so it would seem. A veritable "berserker rage." It is all most intriguing. Unfortunately, the effects of such an emotional state on a soul gem are currently unknown... though I am sure we shall see before too long...'_

Kyoko's fangs peeked out of her mouth, but she wasn't grinning. Actually, she looked pretty _pissed_. Another thought popped into my head.

_ 'Kyoko's not a vampire or anything... right?'_ I wondered to Kyuubey.

Kyoko looked at me as if she had heard that. "He doesn't even keep things like that private..." She mused aloud. "Does trust hold any meaning for you, incubator? Any at all?"

It suddenly struck me that Incubator and Incubus were suspiciously similar words.

_'Archie, Archie, ever so clever,' _Kyuubey replied to my unspoken, _un-thought_ thought.

"Go fuck yourself, Kyuubey," Kyoko growled.

_'Kyoko, you and I both know that is not physically possible.'_

"It's a figure of speech, Kyuubey," I explained bemusedly.

_'Ah,' _Kyuubey replied, _'You humans have the most _peculiar_-'_

"No, I was speaking literally," clarified Kyoko.

I shrugged, not quite sure what to say to that. "Nevermind, then. Anything else, Kyuubey?"

_'No,'_ he said, in such a way that suggested he was deep in thought, _'though I do believe I will be looking into the technicalities involved in contracts. I must thank you, Archie; you have given me a most wonderful idea, and I am very grateful.'_

On that somewhat ominous note, he disappeared.

Kyoko grimaced. "What the fuck did you say, Archie?"

I shrugged. "If he managed to glean some sort of insight from something I said, it must have been something really fuckin' random-"

She gasped. "You used the term 'magi' to describe yourself _and_ magical girls_._ If that became the official term, due to your becoming one, and replaced 'magical girl'... Madoka's wish wouldn't apply, because there wouldn't be any _'magical girls,'_ only 'magi!'... Dammit, Archie!"

I, too, grimaced, almost as if I couldn't come up with another, similar expression to make. "What do we do about it, then?"

"I say we go to Japan. Homura and Madoka need to know about this. They might even know what to do."

I didn't have any better ideas, nor any reason to stay, so we went. Other than getting my arm past airport security (which was a major pain in the ass), we had no difficulties.

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**Meanwhile...**

I glared at the large HD television, barely suppressing the urge to hurl my controller at it. My level 26 Orc warrior, Knot-Beard Curb-Stomper IX, had _somehow_ been _slaughtered_ by a camp full of fur-clad bandits, armed with iron swords and daggers.

_IRON _SWORDS AND DAGGERS.

It pissed me off.

I decided then that I would end their lives in the most brutal way possible. I activated my super-beast-mode Orc racial power, then shouted at the sky so angrily that a mere three words made it cry tears of lightning, killing everything.

I stood and began to do a victory-rain-dance around my chair, celebrating the great justice that I had wrought. Unfortunately, my victory was pretty goddamn bittersweet.

This bitterness was mainly because something very cold and _very_ sharp was now pressed up against my neck, and an arm was wrapped around my chest. A feminine voice whispered a question into my ear, and I somehow went from terrified to aroused. Which disturbed me greatly, because the question was, "Where's the food?"

"It's in the kitchen. Where the hell else would it be?"

"Whoa!" She exclaimed, "You're a girl?!"

"MY BREASTS ARE NOT THAT SMALL, DAMMIT!" I hip-tossed my assailant, and she crashed into my chair, where the light of the television illuminated her, just barely, in relation to the pitch-black room. I had lost track of time playing, apparently, because I started playing at noon.

Having played for somewhere between eight and twelve hours, I was quite hungry. I sighed. "Are you still conscious?"

The girl groaned. "What the _hell_? What kind of rich kid are you, throwing me around like that?" She scoffed. "The nerve of some people..."

"I _could_ have thrown you out of the window, you know."

"And why didn't _you_?"

"Because I now have a helpless girl in a pitch-black room, that also happens to be my bedroom."

"I have a knife!"

"And look at all the good that did you."

"Fuck you."

"Oh, would you?"

"I don't sleep with anyone whose face I haven't seen. Especially if I couldn't tell that she was female until she _spoke_."

I cringed. "You're going to fall for me, I can already tell. So just _deal with it_, and let's eat something."

"Oh, _okay_, let me just pick up my jaw off of the floor, princess."

I sighed. "You'd better get a buff when you join my party..." I muttered.

"...Are your parents on vacation or something?"

"Hm? Oh, no," I said with a laugh, "They're long dead."

That seemed to give her pause. "Mine too," she finally said.

"Where do you live?" I asked, a brilliant idea forming in my head. When she didn't respond, I pounced. "Why not live here, with me? I'm lonely, and I could use some romance in my life..."

"R-really?"

"Yeah!" I said happily. "The whole knife thing was pretty ballsy, and, to be honest, it kinda turned me on." She didn't respond, and I felt the need to sweeten the deal. "If you kiss me, I'll bake some cookies."

I didn't realize that the offering of cookies was enough to get not only a kiss, but a home run. I realized this when I realized my clothes weren't on my body anymore, believe it or not.

**0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O**

I flicked the light switch into the 'on' position. The girl before me became visible with the rest of the room. She had short, shaggy, black hair, pale skin, and big, brown eyes. She was a little taller than me, and her limbs seemed like they couldn't possibly be any longer. She was also more _endowed_ than me, though not much, which kinda pissed me off. She wasn't really built like a thief.

_'She really should look a lot scarier than she does...' _I thought,_ 'Must be the eyes. They're almost puppy-like...'_

She extended a hand. "Razi Iblis."

I shook her hand, which was a little sticky from earlier activities. "That's gotta be the weirdest name I've ever heard."

"Oh? What's yours, then?"

"Lucy. Lucy Verity."

She crossed her arms. "Fine."

**0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O**

Surprisingly, the flight attendant didn't ask me to turn my arm off. Even more surprisingly, Kyoko fell asleep almost immediately after sitting down. Some people just can't _not_ sleep on planes, I guess. I was more than content to relax, too.

Until she started mumbling in Japanese. She didn't sound like she was having a nightmare, per se, but she definitely sounded distressed.

Naturally, I set my phone to record and held it to her face, where it spent no more than ten minutes before she woke up, screaming bloody murder.

She calmed down pretty quickly. "That... was bad." She said, in what I assumed was the understatement of the century.

"I recorded it," I admitted, rather sheepishly.

"If that was some sort of omen... we're going to die."

I handed her the phone. "I didn't understand it- it was in Japanese- but you're free to listen to what you said."

She held it to her ear and listened.

"Airborne sugar..." she cringed a moment later. "That... that's _horrible_!"

I knew from previous _experiences _that airborne flour was incredibly explosive. Airborne sugar was just as explosive, only, it stuck to everything when caramelized by heat, making it almost like a much more cost-effective napalm substitute.

She was silent throughout the rest of the recording.

_'What a strange dream,_' she thought to me.

_ 'You don't think it was a premonition or something, do you?'_

_'I doubt it.'_

_ 'But you're not sure?'_

_'Archie, when you've seen the things that I've seen, and done the things that I've done, you stop using the word 'impossible'. Both because it's a lie and because it feels like you're just tempting fate when you say something's impossible.'_

_ 'Kyoko Sakura, I am much too fond of you for my tastes.'_

_'I think I'll take that as a compliment.'_

_ 'Take it as you will.'_

**0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O~0~O**

Kyoko took a deep breath of the crisp city air. "Archie," she said, "Welcome to-" the honking of a car's horn cut her off before she could say the name of the city. She huffed indignantly. "Welcome to-" A dog barked, interrupting her again. She grimaced. "Welcome to-"

"Kyoko Sakura?" Asked a dark-haired girl, who looked like she was just slightly younger than Kyoko and I, as she moved beside Kyoko.

Kyoko nodded tersely. "Hello, Akemisan." I wondered briefly at the name 'Akemisan,' decided that the Japanese liked to use weird names, and was promptly distracted again.

Akemisan inclined her head politely. "What brings you to-"

"HOMUCHAN~!" Squealed the short pinkette who seemed to glomp 'Akemisan' out of nowhere, interrupting her before she could name the city. I wondered what 'Homuchan' meant, but didn't concern myself overmuch.

The dark-haired girl lost all interest in her statement, instead wrapping her arms around the smaller girl. "Madoka..." She cooed softly, temporarily ignoring the world around her. I couldn't help but admire the sheer adorableness of it all, especially the expression on Kyoko's face.

"THE CITY WE ARE CURRENTLY IN IS KNOWN AS-"

She was interrupted once again as a blonde sprinted past, shouting something and slapping her bluenette friend's breasts angrily.

Kyoko frowned. "_'Boob monster_'? **What the hell **is wrong with this city, this city **THAT IS CALLED-"** Someone nearby screamed in sheer horror. Naturally, I've no idea what she said. Kyoko shouted at the woman who apparently was terrified of her, and she sounded pretty angry, which terrified everyone save for myself, 'Akemisan,' 'Madoka,' and, obviously, Kyoko herself.

_'I swear, if one more person accuses me of being a vampire...' _Kyoko thought at me, both fangs now visible through her -surprisingly adorable- pout.

_ 'Wait,' _I thought, _'what if my girlfriend's a vampire?!' _The thought gave me pause._ 'Is she my girlfriend?!' _I had to think about it, but I came to the conclusion that I was, in fact, her boyfriend. Somehow, the question of what the exact status of our relationship was had completely derailed me from the far more pressing question of whether or not my girlfriend was a blood-thirsty creature of the night.

I was suddenly very, very acutely aware of Kyoko's eyes boring into my skull.

I was suddenly very, very afraid.

"Whacha _thinkin_' about, Archie?" She asked, her voice assuming an unsettling quietness; one that may have indicated her passing from boisterous, belligerent anger to a higher level of pure, unadulterated rage.

_'Oh God. Oh GOD. OH GOD. OHGOD-OHGOD-OHGOD-OHGOD SHE **KNOWS**!'_

_'Of course I know, Archie.'_ She stepped closer to me. I looked hopelessly at Akemisan and Madoka, both of whom looked confused as hell. "Don't worry..." Kyoko whispered into my ear as her hand covered my eyes, having moved more quickly than I thought was humanly possible, "...I don't bite..." For the record, there's a phrase that describes that statement. If you were curious, that phrase is, roughly, 'LIES, BLATANT _LIES_!'

Strangely, I felt none of the pain I expected to feel. Actually, I didn't feel anything abnormal.

"As much as I want to see if Kyoko is actually a vampire or not," said Akemisan, "I didn't think you'd be too upset if I... intervened."

I grimaced, taking a step back from a frozen Kyoko. My mind suddenly made a connection it should probably have made a few paragraphs ago. "Of course," I breathed, "You're Homura! And Madoka is... Madoka." Not my sharpest moment, I'll admit. I blame jetlag.

"Honestly, I'm not really sure what you should do now... Maybe being a vampire isn't so bad?" She suggested.

"How long can you keep time, _er_, frozen?"

She shrugged. "A few minutes? It's hard to say."

I scratched my chin. "Oh! I'll just block my neck with my left hand!" I was certainly satisfied with that plan, egregious it was. I did just that, repositioned myself in front of Kyoko, and time resumed.

I simultaneously cringed and breathed a sigh of relief when her hand squeezed my ass. "..._much_," she finished seductively.

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I watched with baited breath as the hero struggled against his super-powerful foe.

"You can't kill me..." he rasped, blood dripping from his chin.

"Oh? And why is that?" The villain asked smugly.

"Because..." he coughed, "if you did... I'd drop this grenade..."

Unfortunately, the rest of the movie kinda sucked.

"What'd you think, Razi?" Lucy asked as the credits began to roll.

"It kinda sucked. The only really good part was the bit with the grenade."

She nodded. "Yeah, but that part was _so badass_! It totally balanced out the rest of the movie!"

"I still don't understand why their swords had to glow. Not to mention the fact that they HAD swords. What kind of idiot brings a sword into a gunfight?"

Lucy laughed. "It's a movie! Powerful weapons glow! _All_ power glows! It shows how badass the character is!"

"So... they're using their power to make their swords glow?"

"Yeah!" Lucy replied enthusiastically.

"Wouldn't it be smarter to not make the sword glow, then? People would think you were weak, and you would conserve energy."

"Razi, that's the kind of logic I just can't tolerate."

"The whole plot of the movie was that the main character told an assassin that he thought was a butler to 'take care of' his mother! How can you take it seriously?!"

"I'm _not_ taking it seriously, Razi..." Lucy smirked smugly. "In fact, I'd say _you're_ taking it seriously!"

I huffed in annoyance. "Am not."

She pouted at me, trying to avoid apologizing through sheer adorableness. We sat like this for several minutes, me trying to stay angry, and her pouting in a way that made my heart melt.

"Ah!" She squeaked, "I forgot to go to the store!" She jumped to her feet. "Come on, Razi! LET'S RIDE!"

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I frowned at the car, which was sitting on the side of the highway, doing nothing. Razi sighed. "What now?"

I tried, but I couldn't come up with an answer. By now, the moon was big and full in the sky, giving the world an eerie vibe that reminded me all too much of a survival-horror.

_'I could not help but notice that you two are in a bit of a bind...'_ said the voice of a young boy, as if it were whispering into the back of my mind. _'My name is Kyuubey, and I would like to offer you a deal.'_

He explained that he would grant a wish in exchange for our service in fighting 'witches,' horrible monsters borne of despair. He explained that he was doing so to combat entropy and the heat death of the universe, and he explained the magical gemstones that we would receive upon making our wishes.

Razi nodded. "I'll go first, if you don't mind."

I nodded. "Go ahead," I said, "You can repay me when we get home..." I couldn't really tell, but I'm sure that made her blush.

She nodded her head determinedly. "Kyuubey."

_'I am prepared to grant your wish.'_

"I wish..." Razi cleared her throat. "I wish that I could utilize the shadows, like no-one ever has."

_'An interesting wish... Granted.' _Razi's form seemed to ripple for a few moments, and she gasped softly.

After a few moments, both Kyuubey and Razi turned to look at me. I still couldn't get over how adorable Kyuubey was. I spent all of ten seconds considering my wish. Deciding that the car still needed to be fixed, I made what I thought was a pretty damn good wish.

"I wish I had complete and total control over diesel-based technology."

_'Another interesting wish... usually girls wish for things that are much less practical... Granted.'_

I suddenly understood why Razi had gasped, as I myself did the same. It felt like pure power was coursing throughout my body, making my heart race. I clenched my eyes shut and kept them shut until I felt a small weight in my hands.

I looked upon the small gray gem in rapt awe. "It's beautiful."

_'Ah, granting wishes once more... It takes more than a simple wish like that to stop me, Madoka Kaname!'_

Razi and I stared at the fuzzy little creature for a few moments, neither of us sure how we should respond.

Kyuubey looked up at us, and I would've sworn he flashed a smug smile. _'__Now, if you would be so kind as to excuse me, there is a girl whom I strongly wish to contract... additionally, y__our vehicle runs on gasoline.' _On that crushing note, he disappeared.

Razi and I looked at each other blankly. "Oops," I said, embarrassed.

"I hope fighting 'witches' isn't too difficult..." Razi mused, "Because I'd hate to have to walk back just to get our asses handed to us."

"Did he seem almost maniacal to you? Especially just before he left?"

Razi nodded. "Now that you mention it, yeah, he did..."

I swallowed the lump forming in my throat. "Damn. I'd hoped it was just me..." I looked up at the full moon. "What have we gotten ourselves into?"

"I'm not sure," Razi said, "though it seems that nothing is as it seems."

**End Chapter Three**

**of**

**A Pair of Predators**

**And everything was going so well, too...**

**Archie doesn't seem to understand honorifics. =3**

**~Arcane-Boomeus~ **

**Author's Notes and stuff:**

**I've been struggling to avoid magicking all over my Fallout/Lucky Star crossover, and I realized that I have notes outlining the third chapter of APoP. This should making writing said crossover much easier, now that I can suppress the magic urges... Not to mention that this story doesn't require me to 'nerf' the high-level characters by making them super-badass pacifists (I had to do it so I could have at least one male character! DON'T JUDGE ME.)**

** Either way, I'd forgotten how much fun writing this one is...**

**Also, you really shouldn't question my logic, especially the title. A 'pair' doesn't necessarily refer to two, though that IS (partially) what I was implying, and it is true, in a way, I wanted to have a super-cool double-meaning, and I realized that I'd probably catch some flak if I didn't at least tell you that it's intentional, and there, and the title _isn't_ lying... **

**Pairs within pairs, within pairs, subversive to pairs. Yet, no pears...**


End file.
